Name of the Day

From a front-page New York Times story, so, no, this isn't like Liz Onya or Heywood Jablowme*:

Peter B. Teets, the new head of the nation’s spy satellite agency, appointed a panel of experts to examine the secret project, telling them, according to one member, “Find out what’s going on, find the terrible truth I suspect is out there.”

The terrible truth, sir, is that your name seems to be sending a seriously mixed message.



*Which, yes, actually made it into a New York Daily News "Voice of the People" piece.

Cheers and Jeers Bouquets and Brickbats for The New York Times

Cheers Bouquets for The New York Times for yesterday's editorial:

It is extraordinary how President Bush has streamlined the Senate confirmation process. As we have seen most recently with the vote to confirm Michael Mukasey as attorney general, about all that is left of "advice and consent" is the "consent" part. ...

It's worth reading the whole thing. Except ...

Jeers Brickbats for The New York Times for this part of that same editorial:

On Thursday, the Senate voted by 53 to 40 to confirm Mr. Mukasey even though he would not answer a simple question: does he think waterboarding, a form of simulated drowning used to extract information from a prisoner, is torture and therefore illegal?

This is how the Times always refers to waterboarding.

To me, "simulated drowning" would involve, oh, 3-D goggles and an Imax screen and someone throwing buckets of water at you.

Waterboarding is real drowning just short of actually, you know, killing you.

The NPR program On the Media discusses use of the term.

Frank Rich's column from yesterday is also worth a read.



Note to God Is My Codependent: Let it not be said I don't listen to my audience.

Well, I guess Celebrity Paintball Challenge is next, then

Remember when I invited you to take a quiz and guess the real reality show? The real one was the (yawn) celebrity cooking show, which was quickly canceled.

One of the fake ones was Celebrity Rap-Off which later actually made it on the air, if under a different name and on a different network.

One of the other fake ones was Celebrity Garage Sale. Well, guess what? A&E just announced a new show, and it's called ... Celebrity Garage Sale:

The cable network has shot a pilot for the project, titled "Celebrity Garage Sale," in which [Illeana] Douglas tries to help her famous friends get rid of their unwanted junk, personal items and dusty memorabilia by having their own garage sale. ... The pilot features Tom Arnold, whose garage sale is said to have raised $5,000 for Camp del Corazon, a summer camp for children with heart disease.

OK, I got the host wrong, but still.

I ... I ... Why the hell am I not working in television? I mean, other than the fact that it's soul sucking and all that.

WTF?: Bacon Edition

I was in the supermarket the other day and saw this:

Now, I like bacon. I really, really like bacon. I don't eat it a lot, but once in a while, I'll splurge and get Applegate Farms' Sunday bacon. It's pretty damned amazing--what all bacon should aspire to taste like.

I also like beef. A nice steak? Mmmmmmmmmmm, yes, please.

But beef bacon? Beef?? There's just something inherently wrong with that.

I'm going to take a leap here and guess this is a Southern thing. As The Velvet Blog has a few readers down South, I'm going to ask you chime in here. Have you had this? Is it as odd as it sounds?

I mean ... turkey bacon is understandable. I don't particularly like it, but I understand it. It's for people who like bacon but for health or religious reasons avoid it. (Tofu bacon and the like, though, please take the next train out of town. Soybeans should not pretend they're meat.) But for some reason, the idea of beef bacon makes me feel mildly ill.

UPDATE: Hmm. More investigation on this serious matter is warranted. The brand of beef bacon in my local Stop & Shop is made in .... Brooklyn!

Your moment of Zen

Do you miss The Daily Show as much as I do? (In case you missed the news, the TV writers' union is out on strike. Dramas and sitcoms have episodes in the can, but the strike affected nightly shows like this and Letterman and Colbert right out of the gate. Still, if the strike drags on, expect Celeberity Garage Sale to make it on sooner or later. "Reality" shows are not affected.)

Here's a clip from the very first TDS episode Jon Stewart ever hosted, on Jan. 11, 1999:



Did you know that all Stewart-hosted episodes are now online? Well, they are!

Go here and search by date or topic.

TVB predicts a really awkward Thanksgiving

Sister Beats Brother in Ohio Mayor Race

MONTEZUMA, Ohio -- Score one for the big sister: The mayor of this Ohio village held off a challenge from her younger brother and kept her office.

Daniel Huffman was hoping to unseat his sister, Charlotte Garman, in Tuesday's election. However, residents of the village, with only 138 registered voters, stuck with Garman, who has been mayor for eight years.

Garman, also the postmaster in this western Ohio community, landed 43 votes; her brother had 24.

Huffman, a carpenter and electrician, has said his decision to challenge his sister for the seat probably didn't sit well with her.

"I really don't believe she's tickled about it," said Huffman, 45.

Huffman said before the election that his sister, who is four years older, had done a tremendous job as mayor.

"Mom! Charlotte kicked me under the table and won't pass the mashed potatoes!"

What The Velvet Blog's declaration of martial law means to you, the TVB reader

--Those who leave comments I disagree with will be jailed without hope of trial.
--Option of ground pepper on dinner entrees replaced with mandatory pepper spray in face.
--A complimentary coupon book with discounts to local businesses for TVB visitors named "Marshall."

Postcard of the Day

Skyline of lower Manhattan at night from under the Brooklyn Bridge, New York.

Click to enlarge (and you should).

Compare with this.

And click on the "postcards" link below for more.

Sadly, 'mo

Are there any Republican politicians who aren't self-loathing closet cases?

(Via: everyone)

Name of the Day

Apple France's marketing director, Hugues Asseman.

UPDATE: Somehow, The Velvet Blog is now the fourth second hit on Google for "Hugues Asseman"--just for making fun of the guy's name. I kind of feel like a huge ass, man.

Handy Visual Guide for distinguishing between a ... um ...

Maureen O'Hara

Rita Moreno

Merino sheep

I've had this Handy Visual Guide in my queue for months. I could never think of a punch line to tie it together. I'm pretty sure there's a gag in there somewhere.