If sock monkeys wrote Pride and Prejudice and Sock Monkeys

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man sock monkey in possession of a good fortune banana must be in want of a wife another banana.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man sock monkey may be on his first entering a neighbourhood rain forest, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

"My dear Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

"But it is," returned she; "for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it."

Mr. Bennet made no answer.

"Do not you want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife impatiently.

"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."

This was invitation enough.

"Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man sock monkey of large fortune from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants monkey butlers are to be in the house by the end of next week."

"What is his name?"

"Bingley S. Monkey."

"Is he married or single?"

"Oh! single, my dear, to be sure! A single man sock monkey of large fortune; four or five thousand bananas a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"

I, for one, welcome our new zombie overlords

America votes with its wallet--

#343 on Amazon: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (pre-orders; doesn't publish until May)

#68,786 on Amazon: Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream (in print now; he recently sold five copies at a book signing)

Advice to Sarah Palin: In your 2012 run, pick a zombie as your VP. They're much more popular.

(In all fairness, the out-of-print book I ghostwrote for a small publisher in 1995 is currently #6,044,429. But I bet if just one of you bought a used copy, we could get that up to #6,035,283.)

More braaaaaiiiiiins, Mr. Darcy?

If you're like me, you often finish a novel and think to yourself, "Well, that was good. But it would have been so much better with zombies."

Fortunately, Seth Grahame-Smith has teamed up with Jane Austen on a rewrite of her disappointingly zombie-free novel Pride and Prejudice, now retitled Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

The book description, per Amazon: ""Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone crunching zombie action."

Words cannot express how much I am looking forward to this.

This whole concept opens whole new vistas. I eagerly await a zombified version of Gone With the Wind in which Scarlett O'Hara eats Rhett Butler's brain. Or a version of Great Expectations in which Miss Havisham gets her revenge in ways more physical than in Dickens' overly genteel version.

In comments, please let me know what novel you'd improve with zombies, and, if you'd like to, why.

(Hat tip: P&P&Z was mentioned in last weekend's episode of NPR's Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me.)

UPDATE: A word from the publisher:



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And a programming note: Posting will be light for the foreseeable future.